


Nothing like porn

by Oienel



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Porn, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Pornstars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-03-30 11:38:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oienel/pseuds/Oienel
Summary: Sex is nothing like porn. But you don't know that, do you?In which Jongdae is a pornstar - but you didn't know that.





	1. Nothing like porn

**Author's Note:**

> It's a fill for a [tumblr](http://thong-in-the-twist.tumblr.com/post/171771217151/have-you-ever-imagined-a-porn-in-which-the-reader) prompt.

Of course it started lovely. Everything does, at least on the paper.

Your friend told you that she knows this super sweet-cute-caring-whatever-else-good-adjective-you-can-put-there guy, and she asked if you’d like to meet him. After initial awkwardness and unwillingness to participate, you’ve dolled yourself up and you went to meet him.

He was indeed sweet. He was smiling broadly, but there was a feeling of shyness under that façade, and excitement when he realized you had shared interests. The easy laughter that greeted your jokes was refreshing, and you looked at him, wondering how no one has claimed him yet.

He refused to let you pay, and it made you feel both awkward and appreciative. After the meal, you asked if he’d like to drink coffee, and you managed to pay for that. Over the steaming mugs he listened to you attentively, reacting to your stories in just the right moments, eyebrows shooting up, head shaking or laughing.

He hasn’t touched you once.

After the date, he messaged you to ask if you arrived safety, and immediately asked if you’d like to go and see exhibition that just opened in the museum you briefly talked about during the date.

You couldn’t wait to go out with him again.

He briefly touched you on your third date, in the second week of you knowing each other. His knees brushed against yours under the table, and he quickly withdrew them, apologizing. You smiled shyly at him and you took to observing his hands. They were nice – fingers long and slender with wiry wrists.

On forth date you were caught in the rain, and as cliché as it was, he protected both of you with his jacket as you ran for cover. You were actually disappointed when he bought an umbrella, but you shyly put your hand on his forearm when you strolled under in.

You were good. You were going good and slow, and sweet, and it was a pace that made you feel comfortable and safe. No one was hurrying, no one was pushing you, and you loved every second you’ve spend with him.

On your fifth month anniversary it all went tumbling down.

Your male co-worker teased you all morning about you being dolled up for your _boyfriend_. You were excited to go out with him and celebrate, even though you didn’t plan anything special. Meal, walk, maybe coffee on your way. But you loved being with him, and walking with your hand in his.

Your co-worker asked to see Jongdae, to check _“if he was handsome enough for you”_. Upon seeing the picture of the two of you, he smiled, and the when something grabbed his attention he pried the phone out of your hand and inspected the picture closer. He looked at you weirdly, as he gave you back your phone.

He didn’t say anything.

Your date was as sweet as ever. Jongdae walked you back to your place, and you stood for a long time in front of your building, unable to split. Your heart was fluttering, when he held you close.

When you finally entered your apartment, you felt melted with love and adorableness of your day. Your phone signaled a new message and you reached for it, sure it was Jongdae messaging you something sweet.

It was Jongdae.

But his smiley face emoji was the latest message among many. Your friends were writing. Your friends had news. You friends were sure you need to know what they knew. You didn’t. You really didn’t.

They’ve sent you links. Loads of them. All of them attacking you with their titles and thumbnails. Everyone was asking: _“did you know your boyfriend is a pornstar?”_

You didn’t. You haven’t had a slightest idea.

He haven’t kissed you until your second month. Even then, in your fifth month, it wasn’t a common occurrence, he usually preferred to peck your forehead, or caress your cheek.

It was masochistic of you but you watched the clips. You spent your night watching them one after another, feeling how they burn a hole in your head, feeling repulsed by what you saw, but you watched them hoping to find proof that it wasn’t him.

That that man fucking boosty blonde isn’t your boyfriend. That it’s not Jongdae fucking the loud redhead. That it’s not your man that gets blowjob from this cute, _illegal_ looking girl. That it’s not his hand entangled in the black hair.

But you recognized his voice in the earphones, although the pitch was unfamiliar. You recognized his eyes, although they weren’t sweetly squinted, but blown with arousal. You recognized his lips, curved corners of his mouth – so familiar, yet foreign in their half open state.

He told you he worked in entertainment industry. Technically it wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t made it better.

You ignored him for days on end, scared and hurt. You didn’t know what to do, how to react, but you felt like your sweet, caring boyfriend turned into some kind of predator, and you couldn’t look him in the face.

He finally came to your work, face tired and eyes worried, and you couldn’t just ignore him anymore. You took him to the coffee shop on the other side of the street, careful not to touch him, as if he was contagiously ill.

You felt dirty for being kissed by him – well knowing where those lips were, and it really broke you. You loved him, you really did. But you couldn’t have him and have him be what he was.

He looked at you with palpable weariness.

“Are you ok?” He asked, and you focused on the table. Even now, after two weeks of you going AWOL, he first wanted to make sure that you were ok. It hurt.

“Yes.” You said, but it was a lie. Both of you knew that. Had you been ok, you’d have contacted him by now, and you didn’t.

“Why?” He was smart enough to realize that there was a reason for your behavior, and something told you he knew exactly what it was. As if it wasn’t a first time something like that happened.

“You told me you worked in the entertainment industry.” You said, but it wasn’t an answer to his question. It was you, accusing him.

“Because I am.” He said, eyes hardening, fingers entwining on the table in front of you. He looked down, defiance oozing from his stance.

“You are sleeping around for money!” You said, dropping your voice, embarrassed that a phrase like that left your mouth. You deflated, long suppressed tears coming to the surface.

“It’s just a job. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just… Like acting.” He tried, and it felt rehearsed. As if he said the same thing at least once before.

“I can’t believe you!” You are making a scene out of yourself, and you are embarrassed about that, but you are more embarrassed about letting him lead you like that. It hurts. It hurts so effin’ much! You are on the verge of crying. Hell, you can already feel tears on your cheeks. You put your palm against your face, half in shock, half to cover it and you just stand up, chair screeching on the floor.

Jongdae is alarmed and he tries to catch your hand.

“Wait, please, just… Don’t go!” It’s a weak thing, his calling. Sounding lifeless. Somehow resigned. And you just leave him there.

Letting go is harder than you thought it would be. The thing is: it’s impossible. Even if by day you go about just doing your thing, by night you can’t stop yourself from searching his name on porn sites. You watch his blissful face while he _does_ another girl. You found yourself reading everything you saw about this line of work. All the buzzfeed’s lists: “what porn actors will never tell you”.

About three weeks after you’ve walked out on him, you saw a new clip. Fresh, with “hot” tag in the corner of its thumbnail, promising you the newest work of the actor. You watched it wondering if it was filmed before or after you broke up with him. Who was he thinking about while fucking that girl (you conveniently forget about all the account telling you about how they try not to think about anything _sexy_ so they can go on longer).

The longer it took the deeper was your hole, but you started to realize the hard truth: you still loved him, and you’ve missed him. You’ve missed him so much, and he didn’t try to contact you once. Not once. Had he moved on or maybe he was respecting you?

You needed to know that. You really needed to know that – and you mustered all your courage and you went to his place on Sunday’s evening. You didn’t even know if he would be in, so you were surprised when he opened the doors for you.

“Hi.” You say, as he watches you silently. “May I come in?”

He doesn’t say anything, but he takes a step back, so you exhale quietly, to calm yourself, and you enter his apartment. You’ve been there three times only, but it smells familiar. You close the doors, and you rest against them, unable to go further into the apartment.

He is standing a step away from you, looking so good. Tired, but good. Handsome. Just… Handsome.

“Are you seeing anyone?” You ask, because before you can inquire about anything you have to know that. You simply have to know that.

Jongdae is watching you warily, and you bite your lip, feeling awkward and out of place.

“No.” He says finally, and his eyes are defiant. As if he was asking you what were you going to do about that. And you don’t know. But suddenly the feeling of _homesickness_ hits you hard, Jongdae was like home to you, and suddenly he is just a step away from you, and you don’t want him not to be in your life. And you don’t want him to ever look at other girls.

You want him to only see you.

You grab the pendant that is on your chest, and you take the necklace off your neck, and you put it on the counter next to you, while Jongdae observes you with rapt attention.

You are the one to close the distance between you, by taking a step, and Jongdae doesn’t move. Which is both good and bad thing. You are feeling… Brave. You are feeling brave, and that feeling leads your hands to the hem of his shirt.

He doesn’t protest when you take it off, and you allow it to hit the floor. You are faced with Jongdae’s chest, which you see for the first time in real life, but you know it all too well. It nauseates you, but it won’t stop you. It requires all your strength for your hands to grab his belt. His arms are unmoving on his sides, and you refuse to look him in the eyes, but he doesn’t stop you when you open it as you walk him backwards, and then when you open his fly.

You only look up, when your fingers dip just below him waist line, Jongdae’s stare is heavy, and you swallow your saliva as you push his pants down. They fall to his knees, and he moves for the first time to step out of them. He moves back as he does it, and you use the chance to take off your own shirt, which joins his clothes on the floor. Your hands move to the clasp of your bra, and only then he comes to you. His hand lands on your nape, warm and familiar, and he rests his forehead against yours.

“You don’t have to do that.” He whispers, throat constricted. You freeze, it’s been so long since Jongdae was so close to you, and it’s really sweet of him, but you _need_ to do that. You really need to do that.

You push him back, leading him through his apartment, till you reach his bed. You push him down on it, and then you open your bra. His stare is hot, and fixed, and it’s reassuringly different from what you’ve seen in porn. There it’s more lewd. More macho. This stare is appreciative. This stare doesn’t make you feel like a piece of meat.

That’s why you proceed. You take off your pants and you underwear, and there you are bared in front of Jongdae.

And he comes to you. He is swift in his movement, and he his hand are on your neck, and he tips your head up, so you can look at him. Now his face is oozing affection so strong, you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t look like lust, but… Warmth. You are not sure if that’s what you are supposed to see.

“You really don’t have to do that. You don’t need to sleep with me.” He says, voice raspy. You are conflicted, whether you should be offended or not. Doesn’t he want to sleep with you? Or maybe you should feel good, because he just wants to tell you that he’ll wait for you.

Either way he is not clear enough, and you have to do it. Maybe even want to do it. Not maybe, you just want to.

You are scared, but you move on your tiptoes to kiss him, hands shyly sliding across his shoulder, and he reciprocates, thumbs rubbing circles into skin of your neck.

You don’t know what to expect when he leads you onto the bed. You saw him in porn, but they always skipped from kissing to sex, and you certainly didn’t expect Jongdae to just keep kissing you.

You are nervous. You are way out of your depth, but Jongdae is not rushing. He never really did. It actually calms you down a lot – kissing is familiar, kissing is also pleasurable. You don’t know how long it goes on, but when you feel confident enough to slide your hands down his back, you feel one of his hands dropping to your side.

It immediately alarms you, but he keeps kissing you, little mewling sounds in the back of his throat, and that sounds are new. You don’t know them from porn. Is it you? Is he being real? Is it something he keeps for his girl, and only for her.

 _Are you his girl_?

His hands move only when yours. You realize that quite quickly – that he mimics your touch, and he goes as far as you feel safe going, which makes you feel safe and in control, but it also makes you impatient.

You feel how hot you are, you feel how wet you are, isn’t it the moment for him to _do it_? You break the kiss, feeling breathless and lightheaded, and Jongdae immediately goes on to kiss your cheek and jaw, his thumb now rubbing circles into your hip.

“Jongdae.” You call, and he hums, his lips never really leaving your skin. “Are you going to…”

Finally he looks up, pushing himself on his elbows to better see you.

“Am I going to do what?” He prompts, and you can feel yourself burning. You think you are ready, why doesn’t he think the same?

“ _Do it_?” You finish in a whisper, and his answer is a smile. Effin’ smile.

“In a second, yes.” He says, and it makes your heart skip a beat. “But I want to cherish the feeling on your skin on my lips, and your warmth between my arms.”

It’s… Not the talk you’ve heard. It’s not the descriptive litany of adjectives about your womanhood. It’s not mantra of curses, and it’s surprising. You came prepared for certain things, and Jongdae doesn’t seem to want to cross even one from your checklist.

He kisses your neck, and he kisses your clavicle, and he is touch is tender, when he first cups your breasts. And he tells you how beautiful you are, and how lucky he is.

Which is all wrong. It’s nothing like porn. _Nothing_.

And you’ve never felt so beautiful before. And appreciated. And praised. And just simply so loved.

Jongdae comes up once in a while to kiss you again, reopening the make out session, and you welcome it every time. You feel good on his bed, in his arms, naked, your hands getting to know his smooth and hot skin, and hard body underneath.

“I will be back in a second.” He says suddenly, and you just tense, sitting up. His steps that are leading him away from you falter, as soon as he hears the bed crank under you.

“Why?” You ask panicked. You don’t want him to go _now_. Not when you are having so much fun.

Jongdae caresses your cheek, and you recognize it as a gesture he used to make so often.

“I need to find condoms, so we _can do it_.” He says, and it sounds ridiculous in his mouth (porn star’s mouth), but you appreciate that he uses your terminology, because you are still not really comfortable with the _proper_ one.

He comes back a second later, with a package on which your stare fixates, but he doesn’t put it on. He kisses you, his hands caressing your sides, and he lulls you back into your relaxed state, which, you slowly start to understand, is a way to distract you.

He allows you to go in your own pace, just like he did when you two were starting to date. And that realization really did make your eyes water.

You love him.

“Jongdae.” You call his name again, and as far as you can tell, he likes that. “Can you please…?”

You can’t say anything more, but he doesn’t need you to. He kisses your clavicle tenderly, and then he opens condom, which makes your pulse quicken. You watch him put it on, and you realize that’s also different. You’ve always seen his penis without protection. And yet there is no hesitation in him as he rolls it on.

He looks at you, and he smiles as he sees you staring. He grabs your hand and he leads it down to his penis. You _are_ hesitant, but you slowly curl your fingers around the shaft, feeling its warmth and girth and veins under the latex. You experimentally pump it, and Jongdae groans quietly. It makes you hot, but it also reassures you. It’s a new thing to have him in your hand, and it has an added perk – you get to know what will be inside of you, and it makes the thought left scary.

“Can we…?” You start again, and once again he doesn’t need you to finish, he just moves you further up the bed, grabbing the pillow on his way, and he puts it under your hips. It stresses you. You read it as a sign that’s you are about to experience something new.

Jongdae kisses you, as he goes between your legs, his hands soothing your sides, and again – it calms you, but it can’t calm your anticipation.

You expected pain. And blood. And discomfort.

But as far as you can tell there is none. It’s not a long breach, he doesn’t go all in, but rather shallowly, and he nearly immediately slides out. It’s a weird, albeit pleasurable experience, and you hold your breath waiting for more.

And Jongdae delivers, patiently going in and out, every time pushing deeper, while kissing your neck, your shoulders your chest. Fingers of your left hand are entangled into his hair, and the other hand shyly rests on his sacrum.

Suddenly he stops, and you look down, to his hips against you, and you realize he stopped to let you know he is all in, which is both surprising and satisfying, and by now, you really want him _to let go_.

Because, it’s nothing like porn.

You know that already. He isn’t behaving anything like in porn, he is nothing, but attentive and loving and warm, and you feel good in his bed. You feel good enough to call this whole situation, a brilliant move from you.

“You good?” He asks, and you wonder if you were told him you were a virgin. Maybe you did. Maybe he just knew it.

“Yeah.” You answer, and he smiles at you and moves your hand from his back to kiss your knuckles. Then be proceeds to put it back, but not on his sacrum, but his ass.

You can feel the blush, making you even redder than the exertion does.

You experimentally sink your nails into his arse, and he groans and snaps his hips forward, which makes your breath hitch.

He starts again – thrusts long, but not hurried. It is quite leisurely, but the moment his thumb is on your clitoris, you are gone. Your chest starts heaving and you breath heavily, some of your exhales turning into quiet gasps and groans.

Which seems to be too much for Jongdae, because he kisses you – it’s not an easy fest, because your mouth keeps falling open in a silent moans, but he doesn’t seem to care, crowding you in his arms, hot and hard above you, teeth scraping your lips, and mouth…

Mouth just singing his praises.

It’s so unreal to be getting orgasm brought to you by another person. You are surprised it even comes, but it does and it’s amazing. You brought yourself over on your fingers before, but it wasn’t as thorough experience as it was with Jongdae and you loved it.

Because it was nothing like his porn.

Because it was love making, not simply mating.

 


	2. Like a teenager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to write something more in this universum and I finally delivered. And I like it. There _might_ be a chance that I'll turn it into longer series.

The duality of your _new_ life is scaring you. On one hand being back with Jongdae is one of the best things that is happening in your life, on the other hand having to ignore his job is quite straining. He never goes _pornstar_ on you, he never lets that part of his life affect what you have, but this knowledge is always in the back of your mind, his porn-persona appearing when you close your eyes. And it takes a conscious effort to separate both of them.

The day he moves into your apartment is glorious. You survived the biggest threat to your relationship and months later you two are still going strong. Jongdae is as caring as ever, as sweet as usual, as whatever-else-positive-adjective-you-have as always. And what is even more important, you love the person you become next to him. You like that girl that becomes less of a homebody, that tries to experience new things. Not that it was ever wrong, but you like yourself coming out of your shell.

Jongdae’s things were slowly transferring from his own apartment to yours over course of your relationship. It became a question of convenience, having a toothbrush and a fresh set of clothes made your shared mornings easier. Soon better coffee machine appeared in your kitchen, male cosmetics populated empty space in your bathroom, your clothes were forced to squeeze to make room for sets that wasn’t prepared for you to wear (but you did nonetheless). The day his Xbox moved it was the day to call it official.

The knowledge that he is coming back every night is thrilling but also straining. You relish every second you spend together – but the moment he sets his foot in the apartment after work is always awkward.

You know he takes shower straight after work. You know that and he knows that you know. But it doesn’t help your paranoia, so he always goes straight to the bathroom. At the beginning of your cohabitation, he used to leave the shower with only his towel on, chest glistening with drops of water, but he quickly caught on how uncomfortable it was for you, so he stopped.

Every night you have to warm yourself up to him, skittish with knowledge what was he doing. But Jongdae coerces you back with stoic face and patience. He understands you more than you understand yourself.

But weekends, weekends are good. He doesn’t go to work. He doesn’t come back smelling of another (he never does, but your mind seems to be still rejecting that knowledge). You don’t have to reacquaint yourself with him. For those two days every week he is just your caring boyfriend. For those two days, you know how much you love him and how much you enjoy being with him.

The weekend is the time you come out of your shell.

Jongdae is reading something on the bed. He is wearing his favourite outfit – grey sweats, a promotional t-shirt and socks. You regularly laugh at this set but Jongdae always indignantly answers that he rarely gets a chance to be really comfortable so he is not going to compromise it because of fashion. And so now that outfit means _home_. You also started to recognize the importance of home-only clothes. Shorts or yoga pants with _his hoodie_ is your to-go set, as cliché as it is.

Today is shorts day and your legs are freshly shaved and moisturized so it would be a shame not to share that with Jongdae.

Your weight dipping the bed brings a small smile to Jongdae’s lips and you answer with a notch broader smile which he doesn’t see, still focused on his book. You lean forward, supporting your weight on your arm, and you kiss his cheek. You are aware that in some relationships it would be really vanilla – but you do you.

Jongdae’s smile grows significantly bigger and he looks away from his book.

“Hi,” you say to him and corner of his mouth twitches slightly. He looks away, marking his page and reaches over to the nightstand to put his book away. Upon coming back he grabs you and gently coerces you onto him. You nearly don’t feel the pang of embarrassment when you kneel over his lap and when he brings you down to sit.

“Hello there,” he finally answers tucking your hair behind your ear. You are the one to kiss him for real. He immediately answers, per usual, but it’s you leading the kiss. And you let it turn hot, inviting Jongdae to kiss you deeper with teasing, but clever touches of your tongue and shy bites. His thumbs draw circles into your clothed back as he slides his hands down. You are not surprised when dexterous fingers knead your ass, but it still makes your breath hitch. His other hand caresses your thigh and muffled appreciative sound tells you that he can feel how smooth it is. He leans back against the pillows pulling you higher.

You are quite good at kissing and you feel quite good kissing him. And that certainly is a thing you can spend a lot of time doing, Jongdae never rushing you.

Quiet moan makes you freeze. You’ve never realized you were _rutting_ and now it’s obvious that you were rubbing yourself directly on his crotch. And you were feeling good, no point denying it, your shorts adding surprisingly electrifying friction to your experience. Immediately you feel hot and embarrassed not having planned that far ahead, and you can already feel your arousal subduing. Your enthusiasm in kissing Jongdae also drops, but you are brought back to focus with his teeth slightly pulling your lower lip.

“Go on,” he encourages with a raspy voice, his thumb rubbing circles into your thigh. There is something pleading in his voice so you experimentally move your hips, grinding down on him, now _feeling_ his _hardness_. He whimpers and kisses you with newly found fervour and it goes straight to your core. You are getting lightheaded but you can still notice how _un-porny_ it is. You feel like a teenager, even though you didn’t do such things back in school. You are rocking on him, hips moving back and forth, and if you angle them down, if you angle them just right the hem of your own shorts rubs you just _right_ and it feels amazing.

Suddenly you realize you are leaking, sipping through your shorts and staining light grey cotton of Jongdae’s sweats. Your embarrassment hits you back with double force and you don’t know if you should apologize or if you should just disappear. But Jongdae senses the moment something turns sour, he knows you just too well.

“You are doing great,” he says with constricted throat and you focus on his face. His cheeks are red, and his nostrils are flaring, and his forehead is shining, and you realize that he likes it. He actually likes it the way you are staining his favourite sweats. He tucks strands that fell on your forehead behind your ear and you bite your lip. You love him so much and you want to be everything he wants and everything he really needs.

So you go back to rocking, his fingers minutely sinking into your buttocks and you can’t deny you _like_ it. You’ve slept with him. More than once, but it wasn’t as often as one could think, but you learned something new every time. And every time he took care of you. So it’s only natural for you to return the favour.

Moving your hips along his clothed penis was definitely new, but you enjoy it. You enjoy how close his face it and how open he is. You can watch all the feelings that cross his face, you see pleasure, arousal, warmth, victory, love – you see them all and you want more. So you work harder, ignoring the pain in your thighs, sweat on your back and disarming jolts of pleasure coming from your rutting. By now you feel it very well, it’s length and it’s girth, soft cotton feeling heavy with how soaked it is. You are surprised to see that it’s no longer not only you staining it.

Jongdae kisses you, both hands on your ass, encouraging you to keep the pace. He is getting vocal, all of the sounds forming in his throat and reverberating there – you can feel the vibrations with one hand on his shoulder with the thumb on his jugular. He is very pliant under you and it gives you unfamiliar rush, but you don’t dwell on that – your goal is one and simple, bring Jongdae over.

Exertion gets to you and you have to break the kiss to greedily inhale, and Jongdae kisses your neck, face snuggling into the hollow between your neck and shoulder. His breathing pattern is erratic and his cheek is sweaty against your skin, but you love it and you love his appreciative whimpers and throaty groans.

“Do you like it?” He asks and it nearly renders you immobile. His voice is low, deep. You know it, but it’s your first time _hearing it_ live. You brought out his porn-persona. “Do you like how hard you can get me?”

You are not sure how conscious his words are, but you are astonished to feel how a shiver goes down your spine. Slap to your butt comes out of nowhere and you whimper, torn between flying or staying and _effing_.

“Do you get off on rubbing yourself on me? Mm, look at the mess you are making,” such words are being slurred into your neck and it’s terrifying how _thrilling_ you find it. How _thrilling_ it is to _meet_ Chen. And you think you allow yourself to be taunted since you only bite your lip and grind with abandon. You can still feel the echo of his slap on your butt. It was a very first time something like that happened and you _know_ , you _know_ and you can’t deny that you liked it. You liked how your breath caught in your throat when he did that, how your butt throbbed in the aftermath, how your skin tingled where his hand made contact.

Jongdae coming is a surprise to you, but he comes with a deep groan and rapidly spreading wetness on his cotton. He sags on you, tenderly kissing your neck, and you awkwardly still, feeling the inexplicable thrill in your gut. You did it!

You actually made Jongdae _mess himself_.

It doesn’t matter that your body is pulsing or that you are tired as heck. You achieved something new and you are proud. You caress his hair and you slowly move to sit on the bed.

Your heart drops when you see how Jongdae looks at you. He is worried, he is scared, and you realize he didn’t mean for his monologue to happen.

“I am so sorry,” he whispers. He doesn’t try to reach for you, because he knows how skittish you are around him when his _work_ is somehow implied. Even though it is painful to see him like that, you can feel his love and it warms you up. You don’t wait for him to apologize again leaning in to kiss him. It’s short and sweet, but you hope it’s reassuring.

“It’s ok,” you say to make it clearer, but Jongdae doesn’t seem convinced. You can feel how red you are already turning. “I… I quite liked it.”

Jongdae looks dumbfounded and you look down, not believing you said that. He tips your head up with his hand.

“In that case, thank you, it was deeply satisfying.” You have to laugh and his disarming smile is familiar, but there is something mischievous about it. His smile drops slightly when he moves to stand up, obviously grossed out by his sweats. “Well, gotta clean that up,” he announces and you laugh again feeling smug. Jongdae shakes his head at you. “But I will be back in a second and I will try to find out _how much you liked it_.”


End file.
